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9 Outdated and Harmful Concepts We’re Nonetheless Making an attempt to Beat Into Our Kids’s Heads


We all need our kids to develop up into glad and profitable adults. So we use upbringing methods that, as we consider, will assist us obtain this aim. We educate our kids to take heed to adults and focus on learning but it surely hasn’t ever crossed our minds that such classes could deliver extra hurt than good in the longer term. Some standard and wide-spread concepts don’t profit the youthful generations anymore. And what’s going to occur in 10-20 years?

Brilliant Aspect is certain that fashionable issues require fashionable options. So we highlighted some outdated conceptions that oldsters ought to cease imposing on their kids, imagined what would occur if we stored on following them, and got here up with some items of helpful recommendation.

1. “My little one will get solely the very best.”

Elevating a spoiled little one is an simple process. Fredric Neuman, M.D. and Director of the Nervousness and Phobia Remedy Heart, believes {that a} defining attribute of a spoiled little one is an unwillingness to acknowledge different individuals’s needs: “The kid desires what they need and when they need.” When dad and mom indulge the kid an excessive amount of, they really disservice them. As an grownup, such a little one turns into their very own enemy: dependancy, lack of duty and poor social expertise, selfishness and utilizing individuals for their very own profit make these individuals sad.

One of the best way out is to set boundaries, decide the duties of a little one, take note of their manners and conduct, and never enable them to present any disrespect towards dad and mom or different individuals. It additionally shall be useful to educate a little one to respect the labor and present them the worth of cash. For instance, dad and mom could assist their little one discover their first part-time job.

2. “It’s best to at all times take heed to adults.”

Mother and father usually dream of making their kids at all times take heed to them. However they don’t assume that the behavior of continually obeying and taking part in by the foundations will be dangerous to their kids’s future. The psychologist and the writer of the guide Peaceable Mother and father, Comfortable Children, Laura Markham, is sure that obedient kids flip into obedient adults.

Such adults have fewer possibilities to rise up for themselves they usually’re extra prone to grow to be victims of manipulators and untrue individuals. In addition they can simply execute the orders with out asking any questions and never take duty for his or her actions. That’s why it’s important to educate your little one methods to say “no” and categorical their opinion.

3. “Getting an ’A’ in college is good, getting a ’C’ is dangerous.”

The certain solution to make your little one endure from anxiousness their complete life is to impose a “straight-A scholar syndrome.” One of the best factor any guardian can do for his or her kids is to clarify that failures don’t have an effect on their relationship in any manner and the kid shall be heard and liked in any case.

A medical psychologist, Dr. Stephanie O’Leary believes that failure could also be useful to the children for a number of causes. It teaches kids to take care of a damaging state of affairs, offers priceless life expertise, and can assist to discover options to tough conditions in the longer term with out being afraid of failure. That is most likely the place all these tales about profitable low-performing college students and straight-A college students who aren’t prepared for real-life come from. The primary ones are able to overcome any difficulties and are up for the problem. The latter children are extra possible to not strive as a result of they’re afraid of failure.

4. “Don’t battle and don’t hit again.”

A individual ought to know methods to rise up for themselves. If dad and mom attempt to beat into their little one’s head that below no circumstances they will offend one other individual, the kid will simply hold silent and endure from bullies with out saying a phrase. They received’t be capable of survive in a aggressive setting in the longer term.

Nevertheless, it can’t be an excuse to educate a little one to battle with each individual they’ve a battle with. So how ought to they take care of bullies? Get in a battle with them or simply rise up for themselves verbally? This query has been broadly discussed and psychologists got here to the conclusion {that a} little one ought to know that they’ve a proper to shield themselves. And if dad and mom educate their kids methods to rise up for themselves, they’ll be giving them a lifelong current.

5. “It’s best to concentrate on learning and I’ll do the remaining for you.”

Mother and father shouldn’t inform their kids to concentrate on one fundamental process and attempt to resolve the remainder of their issues for them. Any individual ought to develop multitasking expertise and be capable of take duty for all spheres of their life. However these expertise usually include expertise {that a} little one received’t have if they’re raised with extreme care.

It will get even worse when dad and mom attempt to shield their kids from all their issues. Such kids usually act in an childish and irresponsible method once they develop up.

6. “It’s best to go to faculty proper after commencement.”

If the kid doesn’t know who they want to grow to be, they’re extra prone to select the choice urged by their dad and mom. Such a alternative could grow to be a massive mistake and the kid will remorse it. To keep away from that, dad and mom shouldn’t put an excessive amount of strain on a teenager and provides them an alternative to kind out their very own plans for his or her life.

For that motive, in many international locations, youngsters are inspired to take a gap year, or a quick break (a few yr) between college commencement and faculty. Throughout this time, youngsters can work, discover an internship or bear some programs, however most significantly, take their time and take into consideration their plans for the longer term.

7. “Solely college levels matter.”

Of course, increased training is necessary once we speak about jobs like an plane designer or a civil engineer. However it doesn’t imply there shall be a big distinction in paychecks. It depends upon the nation, the worth of the precise occupation on the job market, the college score, and the skills of the scholars themselves. For instance, whereas medical doctors have made it to the top on the checklist of jobs with the very best revenue in the US, in different international locations the state of affairs could also be fairly completely different.

There’s additionally a curious tendency when in industries with excessive salaries (like magnificence, IT, and movie manufacturing) {that a} faculty diploma is much less necessary than the abilities and expertise a individual has. That’s why there are so many profitable businessmen, magnificence professionals, and artists with no faculty diploma.

8. “A part-time job will distract the kid from college. It’s higher to concentrate on learning.”

Whereas it isn’t essential to graduate with honors, getting a part-time job could deliver priceless expertise, social connections, and possibly even decide the way forward for a little one. When younger individuals begin to work early, they learn methods to meet deadlines, make do-to lists, and obtain suggestions from their supervisors. These days, employers understand the worth of a part-time job so it’ll look good on a resume and assist a recent graduate stand out amongst different candidates.

Specialists consider that 65% of present college college students will work in spheres that don’t exist now. That’s why not solely particular data issues, but in addition communication expertise, essential pondering, and self-sufficiency.

9. “Different individuals will resolve for us.”

Some individuals wish to wait till another person will make a resolution for them. They usually educate their kids to not stand out, to not converse an excessive amount of, and to not do different individuals’s jobs. However what can this trigger? Such kids usually tend to develop up detached and received’t be capable of categorical or rise up for his or her pursuits. And it’s not solely a few separate particular person, but it surely’s additionally about wholesome altruism when individuals don’t really feel detached about widespread issues.

The place, “It doesn’t have something to do with me,” doesn’t look good on anyone. It’s significantly better to educate a little one concerning the nuances of the world, political and social programs, and the setting and great thing about nature. The extra impressed, passionate, and aware individuals we deliver up, the extra scientific breakthroughs, social tasks, and ecological initiatives we’ll see. That manner, the world will grow to be a higher place.

What clichés and dangerous concepts aren’t on this checklist?

Иллюстратор Igor Polushin for BrightSide.me