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A Father of Four Actually Talks About What Difficulties He Has to Face Each Day

Mansur Shangareev, a father of 4 kids, has been writing a parenting weblog for a number of years. He will get inspiration for his quite a few posts from his charming daughters Lina and Amalia and his mischievous sons Adam and Asad. We can solely envy the mom of this huge household, as a result of not each father places so many family chores and duties on their very own shoulders. And he doesn’t contemplate it to be one thing particular.

We at Brilliant Facet stored getting shocked at how simply somebody can address 4 children, whereas studying Mansur’s weblog. Of course, they will’t do with out humorous conditions (you’ll discover the one we had been laughing at probably the most at the tip of the article).

I was a unhealthy husband…

…after which I went to the pharmacy and purchased a capsule referred to as “Good husband.” I was taking it in the morning and in the night and have become excellent after a week.

You had been ready for this reply, proper? However regardless of all of the Vedic, psychological, and different totally different recommendation, I consider a man will hold altering if he realizes his errors.

My spouse didn’t hold quiet when she felt unhealthy, was irritated, or was upset about my phrases and actions. I turned extra affected person and calm. I didn’t need her to undergo, really feel unhappy, or cry. I had 2 rising daughters in my household and the thought that their husbands may offend or upset them was breaking my coronary heart into items.

How my spouse finds time to do every part with 4 little children

First of all, I help her. Second, we have our older daughters who assist us. Third, our home is stuffed with numerous technical units and home equipment, like a washer, steam generator, and vacuum cleaners for dry and moist cleansing. Our kitchen is geared up with a dishwasher, a sluggish cooker, numerous blenders, and even a bread maker.

I don’t educate my children that they need to be like everybody else.

Don’t follow stereotypes. The occasions when everybody was dwelling roughly the identical life: kindergarten, faculty, school, after which work bought left by the wayside a very long time in the past.

One other harmful stereotype (however one that’s related to the current time) is in the truth that we are afraid to let a child take any duty. At the moment is the time of dad and mom working after children and doing every part for them. As a end result, a child can’t placed on garments by themselves at the age of 3, they will’t eat at 4, they will’t brush their enamel at 5, and so they can’t even tie their shoelaces at 7. And it’s not as a result of one thing is unsuitable with them, however as a result of they don’t really feel the necessity to make an effort when their mom is at all times beside them to do it for them.

Why dad and mom get divorced

Once I see the statistics of divorces, my left eye begins to twitch. I have been pondering this for a very long time, making an attempt to perceive why it occurs, and I noticed that many fashionable males are weak, whereas ladies are too robust.

No one will reward a mom and say, “OMG, you might be strolling round along with your child, that’s so candy! Wow, you modified your child’s diaper, you might be such a good mom!” Then why do individuals say the identical issues to fathers? Bringing bacon to the household and serving to the spouse shouldn’t be perceived as one thing heroic that males do.

How we handle to hold our children away from devices

Typically it is perhaps tough to take the tablet away out of your child or to flip off the pc after the agreed upon time of utilizing digital units is over.

Don’t use your energy — don’t take away or flip off the units with power. This received’t work. It is significantly better to come up to your youngster, sit along with them for a bit, ask one thing concerning the character of the cartoon or the sport they’re concerned in, and solely after getting “into contact” ask the child to swap off the gadget and do one thing else.

There needs to be every day rituals in the household.

Each morning our daughters brush their teeth, comb their hair, change their pajamas for residence clothes, and go downstairs for breakfast. This ritual repeats itself in the night: brushing enamel, taking a bathe, and altering residence garments for tender pajamas.

Proper earlier than they sleep, we scratch our children’ backs, kiss them, say one thing good to every of them, cowl them with a blanket, and switch off the lights. Whereas my spouse is busy along with her offers, I am the one who performs these rituals.

Pictures on Instagram and actual life are 2 various things.

Yesterday, whereas my spouse was setting the desk, our daughters Amalia and Lina determined to faux they had been store assistants and made a pile of cash, having reduce up our electrical energy invoice. Our older son, Asad, took out all of the soil from a flower pot and was gladly leaping round in it. Our youthful son, Adam, was singing actually loudly whereas making an attempt to get his fists and his toes into his mouth.

It was solely morning — the beginning of the day. Issues look fairly totally different and good in the photographs on Instagram, don’t they?

 share family chores in the household

At the moment we have been pondering the query, “Who ought to prepare dinner meals in the household?” My spouse, for instance, has a sister who doesn’t wish to prepare dinner at all and it’s her husband who performs this process in their household. However my colleague doesn’t prepare dinner at all as a result of he considers cooking a “girl’s factor.” However what must you do if the girl of the household works the identical as her man does?

I assume the best factor to do is to carry out family chores equally, with out dividing them into “issues for males” and “issues for ladies.” Every partner ought to do issues that:

  • are extra handy for them (the husband takes the youngsters to faculty as a result of it is on the best way);
  • they will do higher (a spouse irons garments higher than husband);
  • they wish to do (a husband hates washing the dishes, however likes cooking).

It is perhaps tougher with one child than with 3 or 4.

As soon as we took our older daughters to their grandparents for a number of days and solely Asad, our youngest son at that second, (Adam hadn’t been born but) stayed with us. We had been anticipating a couple of calm days and careless walks with one child in the stroller.

However we had been unsuitable. When there have been 3 of them, Asad was doing every part collectively along with his sisters: he was consuming with them and going to mattress along with them too. It was noisy and messy, however structured. When he was alone, he began to require fixed consideration from us and on high of that, he would refuse to eat and sleep.

We bought the ladies again and our residence turned noisy once more, however Asad stopped whining and began to do every part along with his sisters once more. Whereas we had been nonetheless making an attempt to restore our nervous system.

Dad and mom shouldn’t at all times skip out on the perfect issues, for the sake of their children.

What’s the best approach to divide a watermelon? Ought to dad and mom give the sweetest central half, with out seeds, to their children and the remainder to the adults? Or ought to everybody get equal items?

For a lot of of at this time’s children, it turns into a revelation that their dad and mom may additionally have their very own desires and goals. And I am being critical. We give the perfect issues to our children. The child’s pursuits are a precedence. How about us — adults? We are additionally people with our personal feelings, needs, plans, and goals.

In our household, we break up every part equally. We don’t deprive our children of something, it’s vice versa — we give them the priceless expertise of dwelling amongst individuals the place everybody ought to have in mind each their very own pursuits and the wants of others.

Ought to we attempt to curb the jealousy between our children?

2 sisters look at their brother. Is there a feeling of jealousy between them? Sure, it occurs. I assume that jealousy is a regular expression of emotions. The principle factor is to be taught to management it.

Really, those that have siblings are luckier to some extent — it’s good coaching for the way forward for grownup life. Youngsters be taught to talk, arise for his or her pursuits, discover compromises, and hearken to others in a huge household.

Don’t steal childhood out of your child.

If a mom’s love and care principally lie in ensuring {that a} child eats effectively, that they’ve exercised, and that they sleep on time — when it involves the daddy, it’s necessary for him to have his personal ambitions.

When Lina was born, I was 30 years previous. I began to educate her for the reason that second she began to say her first phrases. Lina turned out to be a actually gifted child and my parental ego was flourishing.

However taking a look at Amalia, who solely knew a couple of letters at the age of 3, I understand that we are giving her one thing that Lina was lacking — a actually carefree childhood. We don’t anticipate half of the issues from Amalia that we had been demanding from Lina at the identical age. Typically it appears to me that we have overdone it along with her upbringing, making an attempt to create a excellent child with our older daughter.

It is perhaps tough to journey with the whole household.

Traveling with kids is a fixed hustling and bustling. They wish to eat, drink, and pee each hour. We need to consistently apologize for stomping on somebody’s foot or for working into somebody’s bag. We are at all times late, as a result of it’s arduous to acquire all the youngsters who’re working in totally different instructions.

Ultimately, you find yourself reaching your vacation spot level with just one thought — to go to mattress as quickly as doable, since you get as tired as you’ll on probably the most hectic of your workdays.

But it surely’s so good! It’s in these moments once you really feel your life has a that means. You’ve gotten somebody to present the fantastic thing about this world to and convey your emotions to them. Journey with your loved ones, guys. You’ll really feel empty with out your spouse, unhappy with out your children, and lonely if you’re on their lonesome.

I am in opposition to pre-schools.

They spend time educating pre-schoolers one and a half hours at most, no greater than that. And who says that children want 24/7 leisure? A youngster develops effectively, being concerned in household processes like frequent cleansing, getting ready dinner, strolling, or watching a film. None of the pre-school lecturers will probably be in a position to educate or substitute these feelings.

I am not judging or criticizing anybody. If a household requires pre-school, it’s their alternative. And, of course, every guardian solely desires the perfect for his or her child.

 show to a child that they’re beloved

Oftentimes, a child may think they’re a burden, a punishment, or a supply of unhappiness for his or her dad and mom. Why does that occur? First, dad and mom may assume that one of the simplest ways to specific love is to do issues that their child wants (in their opinion). Whereas an expression of love for a child is doing one thing they need. Oftentimes, a child desires to undertake a kitten, however dad and mom purchase one other Barbie dollhouse. Or he may wish to go fishing along with his dad, however the dad and mom take him to a museum on the weekend.

That you must inform your children as typically as doable that you just love them, even when you assume it’s apparent. Look in the eyes of your child (on the child’s stage), use tactile contact, and say, “I love you, you’re the smartest thing I’ve in life.” There can by no means be too a lot of these phrases.

Bonus: Enterprise conferences with tiaras and glitter

As soon as I left my home, late for an necessary assembly. Having already traveled half the best way there, I realized I used to be nonetheless carrying slippers and a tiara on my head that my daughter Amalia offered me for my victory over a bloodthirsty dragon.

What did I do? I was extraordinarily late, so I eliminated the tiara in the automotive and stored the footwear on. A lot to my luck, I bought to the restaurant the place the assembly was purported to be held only a jiffy sooner than my colleagues and bought a seat the place I may conceal my footwear.

However nonetheless, the individuals who got here to the assembly had been taking a look at me in a unusual manner. I requested what occurred. My colleagues turned crimson and instructed me to go look in the mirror.

In the restroom, I realized why they had been so impressed. No, I didn’t have a tiara on my head, however my hair was lined with silver glitter. I took a deep breath and went again to my seat. I was no longer hiding my slippers — there was nothing extra for me to lose.

The end result? It turned out that the director of the corporate was additionally a father to a lot of youngsters and we signed the contract. Youngsters join individuals.

Do you agree with Mansur’s guidelines on upbringing? How do you share the parental duties in your loved ones?


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